During one of our
seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How
do I know if I married the right person
?"
I noticed that
there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It
Depends. Is that your husband
?"
In all seriousness, she answered "How
do you know?"
Let me answer this
question because the chances are good that it's Weighing on your mind.
EVERY relationship has a
cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with Your spouse. You
anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked Their
idiosyncrasies.
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a
Completely natural and spontaneous experience.
You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called
"falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, "I
was swept of my feet."
Think about the Imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just
standing There; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened
TO YOU.
Falling in love is easy. It's
a passive and spontaneous experience.
But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades.
It's the Natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone
calls Become a bother (
if they come at
all), touch is not always welcome (
when it happens),
and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of
this stage vary with every relationship, but if you Think about your
marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage
when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did
I marry The right person
?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of The love you once
had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is
when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their
Unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment
Extramarital fulfillment comes
in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is The most obvious. But sometimes
people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or
abusive substances.
But the answer to this dilemma
does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.
I'm not saying that you
couldn't fall in love with someone else. You Could.
And
TEMPORARILY
you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.
Because (listen
carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN
MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON
YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is
not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you.
You can't "find"
LASTING love. You have to "make"
it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "
the
labor of love."
Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it Takes
WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make
no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific Things you
can do (
with or without your spouse
) to succeed with your marriage.
Just
as there are physical laws of the universe
(such as gravity),
There are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise
Program makes you physically stronger,
certain habits in your Relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's
a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results
are predictable... You can "
make"
love.
Love in marriage
is indeed a "decision"...
Not just a feeling.